Posted by: rmckinno1 | January 3, 2011

Starting out the New Year

Happy new year! It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, but there is a real good reason for this. I have not been doing well. My heart and soul have struggled so much over the last eight months or so that I haven’t had much of a desire to do this.

But as this new year is here, I find myself again looking at my life and asking myself what I want to do different this year. One of the questions I’ve asked myself is “why do I blog when hardly anyone ever responds? What good is this?”

The answer is hard to grasp, but I have determined that perhaps it’s good that not many read this. I intend to use this as a journal this year – and much of what I put here will be personal and direct.  Don’t worry, I won’t be putting any of my deep dark secrets on here, but the two or three folk who have read this in the past are friends and family. If someone else reads this, perhaps they will be led here by God and something that is going on in my life/struggle will help him/her. Or perhaps they will be able to touch my life and help me in my own time of need.

In November of last year, my wife of nearly 18 years told me she wanted a separation. No matter what I did or said, she was determined that this is what she needed. So I moved out.

The months since then have been the worse I can remember in years. I am fighting bitterness, anger, hurt, depression and every other range of emotion imaginable. I am coming through it. I’m making it day by day. But I’ve also had to ask myself some incredibly hard questions. Many of those have yet to be answered.

So there is my goal for this year. This blog will be a record for how I am making it through this season of my life. Will it be permanent? Will it be temporary? What does God say about this in His word? If this becomes permanent, is there biblical room for me to re-marry? How am I supposed to act toward this woman I love, but has no room in her heart for me?

Grrrrrr! Too many questions! So I shall simply take another dose of aspirin, take a deep breath and take things one day at a time. One moment at a time. Capture life when I can, and not allow it to capture me. And spend as much time with my children as I can.

Lord, help me through this season in my life. May I walk through this fire in Your strength. May I display the love, mercy and forgiveness that You did when You walked on this earth as a man. Amen.

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Responses

  1. Though Life has been so frantic throughout December that we spoke only a few times, I think of you and pray often.


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